i lost her

I fell in love with THE girl. And I still am. And I admit it. I screwed up. Not just once, but multiple times and I was lucky enough to have someone who stood by those mistakes no matter how thick or thin they were. But I took it for granted and didn't realize, at all, just how fortunate I was to have someone like that.
 I went away for a bit and wasn't sure exactly when I would return. We tried to stay in touch but she slowly faded away from me. I figured she found someone else to talk to. Someone who could be there for her because I couldn't and because I couldn't trust myself to love her. I was ok with it because I want her to finally be happy and I heard that she was so I was content. I tried to get back into the dating scene myself but I couldn't find myself to be attracted to any other girl because I was always comparing them to THE girl. She became the gold standard, the shining example, the golden goose of what I want. Nothing more and nothing less than what she is. It was then that I became conscious of how much I truly love THE girl and wouldn't want anything else but her again.
 Months passed by but there was a numbness to my aching love for her. Then one day, unexpectedly, I get a text message saying "I miss you..." from THE girl. And BAM. That's all it took and every pain and ache that one can feel from love came spilling over me like a tsunami...times 20. The message lit up my world with hope that you can be mine again. It turns out that the guy she was seeing hurt her the same way I did. I didn't care what I was to her during that time of her pain. I only saw that she needed me emotionally. We reconnected again and it felt marvelous. It was like we had picked up where we had just left off. Sure we only spoke through phone calls and FaceTime calls but it didn't matter to me. I wanted THE girl to be mine again. Somewhere along the way, the calls stopped coming and we got disconnected. But I knew I had to do all I can to get her back.
 Soon after, I came back home for good. Outside of my family, she was the first face I saw and I wanted her to know special she are to me by doing that. I thought I could be with her again but thought wrong. It turns out that he's fighting for her too. I came home too late and I'm fighting an unfair fight. But I can almost see my biggest fear of losing THE girl happening in front of my eyes. She knows how I feel and they've been expressed in so many different ways. I did all I could. Said almost all that could be said. And now I painfully try to wait patiently as she makes her decision on who she wants to be with.
 I love her. And as painful as it is, if it came down to it, I think I've accepted the loss. More than wanting her, I want her to be happy because that's what love is suppose to be, right? If THE girl, is happy with the other guy, then so be it. But I don't think it will stop me from trying. I want THE girl to become MY girl and I miss her like crazy.

i will always

have always loved you, and you know that.
 Ever since I was fifteen years old, when we laid under the trees, learning and growing in love.
 I have tried to let you go and find someone that moves me more than you, but no one can beat the way you make me feel. Being around you lifts me up - not only do I feel fifteen again, but you make me feel like I couldn’t be anyone better but the person I am when I am with you.
 You live there, and I live here, which is why it has never worked.
 I would have followed you always, and you knew that, but only now are you telling me you want me to. I am scared.
 I’m scared of how much I love you, I am scared that you aren’t the person I am in love with, I am scared you don’t love me as much as I love you, I am scared you are going to hurt me again, and I am scared of what it means to be trying with you.
 I wish we could go back under the trees when we were fifteen, I wish life wasn’t complicated, I wish we could fall into sweet, all-consuming love and I wouldn’t be scared of the past nine years and how much you can move me.
 You are heaven - I see my whole life with you.
 But are you simply a fantasy? Maybe that’s why I am scared.

I STILL WANT YOU BACK

yesterday is gone tomorrow is a mystery for me life seems unbearable and hard to understand everything to me is the same as i sit here in the cold winter night my heart is bleeding with pain thinking that you are not here close to me my soul is empty without you by my side do you remember the promises we made to each other the strong feelings we had the love we cherished so much i wonder where it had disappeared to though sometime i feel broken inside knowing that you are not here with me that u have disappeared where are you my love why did you just go without any explanation as to why you run away did you know that you would break my heart maybe i made a mistake giving you all my love and being left with nothing to make me smile and remove this sadness that is killing me day night because of your absence i know we had some problems that we swore it would never break us a part that we would always endure any kind of situation that may come on our way whether bad or worse bad why did you gave up so easily why did you let your emotion break you away from i thought you were a strong person who was ready to endure anything that may come on his way why didn't just listen to me anyway ma love i just want to apologize if i was the course of all this problems if never gave you a chance to love me more if maybe i was never there for you if you are reading this know that you are still in my soul a special place that i made for you only that i would wish one day you come back to me and let our love be given a second chance

THE PAST LIFE

sitting alone in the cold winter night..... life to me is the same, the painful memories that haunt me day and night tearing through my soul like two double edge sword sometimes memories are to painful to remember especially if your past was damn mistakes that overwhelmed it.... it makes your heart bleed knowing that your will never go back and correct everything that you did while you were still young...... it gives constant nightmares and sleepless nights.. u keep on thinking how u are going to change your life from worst to better and erase every bad situation that happened in your past life... every stupid mistake you made while you were still naive and a toddler to reason well... but for me i see that is part of life and we have to go through it no matter whether we like it or not.... because if never made mistake or did something wrong in our past then we don't have anyt5hing to talk about at all and also we have to realize that this mistakes are a lesson we must learn through out our constant life. so that we can never allow it to haunt or follow us in the feature

WHAT AND WHY

what about the killing fields what about the hunger stricken nations what about the promises you made for us that the world will always remain united what about the hatred among our brothers and sisters what about the paradise earth that is being destroyed everyday what about the war that is waging between the nations what about our brothers who left us unexpectedly ..... then where is the love that was strong among the people that we cherished so much why are people dying without mercy yet we are suppose to have peace why is there tribalism in the countries of the worl why do common people sleep without food yet there we have enough food to feed them why do the rich oppress the poor yet the wealth they have was build by the poor but why am i asking this questions yet we can see the reality

LETTER TO MAMA

life is so cold and lonely without you mama why did you depart so soon like that why did you leave us with tears in our eyes life to me is worthless without you........ i know you are some where safe with the lord where there is no pain pain or suffering where there is no sickness to kill you but please mama dont forget about us there.. please prepare a place for us to come and stay with you someday i wont forget your teachings.. your corrections... your blessings some we could not realise until you were gone you left something so important in us.... something that is so priceless something that is sooo unique to us you left LOVE,UNITY, among us.... and through that i promise you mama that we will always remain united and strong through the difficult journey we are going to face without you by our side because you taught us to be strong and always bealive in the LORD no matter the obstacles in our way... no matter the pain that will come while on this tire less journey when you left us mama on that sad evening.. i cried and swore that my life would never be the same again but i saw you sleeping peacefully and smiling thats when i realise that you are happy where you have gone peace came inside me and i felt your presense close to me, comforting my soul and wiping every tear that i shade yes mama sometimes i feel gulty for not doing enough to made sure that you were taken to the best hospital in the world i felt guilty that i didnt have money to do that for you mama.. am sorry i was surprise mama that everyone who run away while you were sick all of them came back when they had that you were dead... just imagine mama.. this world is full of crazy happening mama.... even they were willing to raise alot of money just to send you away peacefully.... but they could not even raise one shilling to take you to hospital but mama i forgive them for what they did only GOD will judge them cause that is what you taught me mama. to forgive my enemies and those who have done me wrong mama while you are reading this letter remember that we miss you so much everyday and if we had the power to bring you back mama.. i swear i would have done that long time ago but we have no choice but to except GODS plans.... because his plans are the best dont forget mama to say hi to GOD and tell him that we love him so much and we cant wait to come to heaven and see him bye mama

LOVE

do we really need love in our day to day life? but why yet we are not serious about it everyday,, we simply joke about it as if it has no value at all.. love was created for a greater purpose....it is a gift that can never be bought by any price at all. because its value can not be measured by any wealth or treasure in our world today. many people have suffered alot because of love they have travelled in every corner of this world serching for its  beauty,yet it is just infront of us staring at us. love has brought together lost friends. tighten the two couples in a very strong way that no one can break their love. let us stop and r4ealise that we need love in our life.

Love

Sometimes i wonder why we ignore love and despise it so much when we know very well it will always be around us during the darkest hours, lonely days because we can't live without it. Love was and is still the greatest gift in our generation it is so powerful that it can turn broken promises to become true promises. But we should also understand that we can never misuse or joke around with love because it can turn to bitterness and can slice through our fragile hearts without mercy

Am still alive but am barely breathing, am praying to a God that i barely bealive in. What can i do to make it through? I need freedom from the chains that have inprisoned my heart and soul. Am in a twilight zone where there is no existance of life but only pain,cold and torment, only in my imagination that i can truly feel my real life. In a blink of an eye everything that i cherish slowly disappearing from my site. Am powerless to hold them in my arms tightly, please bring me back to life, wake me up from this dream because am falling two thousand feet under knowing that i will never come back from this deep slamber. I see a distance light but i can't reach it in time. But the distance beat of my heart that beats endlessly creating a tune of salvation and freedom, gives me courage to fight my fears and defeat them. I want to break and free myself but my fears wont allow me. I want to fight but am to weak to fight my fears, am freezing, the colds have invaded my body killing me slowly. But i know help is on the way someone will save me from this endless dream yes i can feel it. I cant back down i have to fight this torments, i have to free myself from this chains. The beat of my heart rhyme endlessly, then suddenly i woke up realising that it was only a dream.

Life is like a journey which at many times the trevellers go through alot of challenges on the way. And there are quite a number of these challenges, but most of us have failed to understand that all this challenges are ment to strengthen us and keep us on the right track to continue with this journey. I know that sometimes we think that life is too harsh, life is like a beast that only consume the weak and poor physicaly. But that is not true! It is our way of thinking and judging life negatively thats why we end up giving up and we dont achieve what we seek. And one thing we have to know is that, there isn't a good road to prosperity, the path towards success is always rough and this is the only way we will persive life differently. Just the other day i visited this hospital,actualy i was feeling rather sickly and i wanted the doctor to check me. But when i arrived at the hospital and saw how the situation was . I was really ashame of myself even i was afraid to see the doctor. People are really struggling and are desprate and thirsty for life, i mean i saw really sick people in there. So guys let us not ignore the good life that we have even though we are poor or rich, as long as you can wake up every morning without any problem.

Footsteps of life: (dedicated to the weak hearted)

My eyes glance around trying to make very discreet questions. Infront of me i saw footsteps they were so strange, is like this footsteps were trying to depict an image of life that was chained in a cave. Before long i was stunt to see a shadow deep in the forest under the rays of the moon and the stars. My heart almost came to a stand still, my voice was voiceless. With fear cripping all over me i wanted to run away but could not do it. The sky was so noiseless, darkness illuminated all over me, the night crawlers were so busy searching for their end bread. As i was about to walk away i had a trembling sound calling from behind, when l looked back i saw her crying telling me not to run away but to stay with her. The strength that was gone was coming back replacing all the fears that i had. We sat down as our eyes trying to connect. She was so angelic but very sad. The clear night sky and the creatures under the moon and stars were patiently waiting for me to make a move. '' who are you''? I asked with a stammering voice!!! There was a still silence then a soft voice replied......''am an innocent girl who has been consumed by this world, in the eyes of men am a strange creature who has been despised and rejected because they see me as an outsider. But inside there exist a beautiful soul which is seeking for salvation and freedom. Am lonely and sad know one is willing and able to talk to me or even sit close to me because they fear me, yet i was born by men , raised by men and chased away by men and now am being rejected by men. What you see around me is my family for now. Sometime i asked myself why me out of a billion people? Why it had to happen to me. I dont regret being like this because i know it was not my choice to be born like this and i know i can never go back and correct every mistake in my life. Sometimes my heart trembles with fear when i see how the world is crumbling down infront of the greatest leaders, wise men, very educated people. It is not about being naive but we have ignored the love between us, we hate each other and thats why the next generation will be extinct and never be heard no more. Sometimes i feel that this world is so unfair to all of us favouring only the cruel and heartless people. But what i do understand is that we are the one making this world to be unfair for us simply because we are not patient enough to wait for the better feature that is still being prepared for us, thats why our fragile hearts are being broken into tiny pieces like shattered glass. Because we are not ready to endure the pain and suffering we are going through. Every day i wake up the world to me is the same but my soul is mutating and its becoming more powerful. But i must wait and be patient because my time is not yet ready to rise again and face the world head on without fear''. '' l listened to everyword she was telling me and i felt guilty for allowing myself to be deceaved by this world. She opened my eyes and allowing me to see the possibilities of life, i left there knowing very well that the footsteps we leave behind marks the greatest memories in life.

Since i have yet to say thanks

Thanks for being there, always being aware. Thanks for being near when i needed you here. Thanks for staying so close when i needed you the most. Thanks for the love your rain on me like a dove always seeming as if you are from right above. Thanks for the times you seem to help me enjoy love. Thanks for being there alse for being so fair. Thanks for saying Hi when they all shouted goodbye. Thanks for giving me the time of day when all your friends didnt bother to say hey.

Letters from my heart: Words from my heart

I was only 17 still in eleventh grade, still discovering the reality of this world. You tried to win my heart but my heart and my soul were pointing to a different direction. Sorry you fell in love with me, but i never took noticed or given you a serious exception about it, and the suffering you went through trying to show me the meaning of love. The truth is my heart belong to someone else, but i dont want you to go through trauma because of many rejections you will get from me. If love was to be bought by the riches and wealth of this world you would have own me without any difficulty. You should never under estimate the power of destiny because the love and feelings we have can turn bitter only because we made the wrong choices. Dont be stressed or feel rejected because i have not allowed you into my life and my world. Am writing for you this letter because i know that you are someone special and if i have to choose a friend out of a billion people i would choose someone like you. Remember that there is a fragile heart and lonely soul out there crying and waiting for your love the only thing left for you to do is to be patient. Am only trying to save ourself from the guilts that will inflict us in the feature if we dare take this unplanned journey that will only take us straight to hell. The beauty that you see infront of you is not enough proof of real love, we have only known each other for a short time and the love you want from me is for a lifetime,lol!!! ''impossible''. The right time will come when you will not run after love instead love will run after you. Dont fill your heart with hatred because of the truth i have told you, you are still welcomed in my life anytime you need a friend to talk to. Just know that love will never end as long as we wait for the the right time. Love is so mysterious and it has many faces, sometimes it is clouded by happiness sometimes by anger. I dont have much to say for now but what i want you to remember is that dont let your heart forget its source because that is where true love exist.

a hero i will be

A hero i became when you lost all hope in life, and lifted you from hells nightmare to heavens paradise.A hero i became when i spread my arms to welcome you into my life just like a flower spreads its gay arms embracing the bee to sack its nector. A hero i became when i walked with you in difficult time of your life just like a shadow never leaving your side even for once. A hero i became when you saw me as your everything you ever needed, the rain,the wind,the seed, your joy, your love,your friend,your happiness.A hero i became when you were addicted to.A hero i became when i walked with you through difficult terrains and rough roads.A hero i became when i moved the mountains for you to pass through.A hero i became when i wiped all the tears from your eyes making a promise to you that you will always be became. A hero i will be when i will stand with you forever

true gift from above

many miles we have travelled not knowing that one day we would reach the furthest point of life. We have toiled, fell, and almost gave up while on this journey,hoping that one day this tireless, unmercyless journey would come to an end. sometime i shed tears when i looked behind the footsteps that marks the greatest friendship we had and still exist. it brings shiver and cold all over me that one day we will live to forget where we came from. But hope is what i have that memories we have will never grow old as long we are alive. If had ever wronged you please soften your heart for me because life is too short.i had dream that you disappeared completely in my life, i called out your name but there was no response , i woke up sweating furiously knowing that i have lost you.OOPs!!! it was just a dream! just a dream, but i learned a big lesson, friends are a blessing from GOD and i would do anything to protect the gift that GOD granted me.