Trouble But Not Defeat,

Underneath our feet we find
Those branches and thorns a grind.
Why is so life so mean
It is as if no other scene.

Through life, you know, you will find
We sometimes just close our minds.
Those solutions we so desperately want
All appear like yesterdays many tyrants.

But, do not trouble or be dismayed
There are good days on the way.
When you look beyond the norm
You'll find you need not conform.

Be bold, be happy, be confident
You are not meant to lament.
These things so sure today
Can vanish without delay.

So when trouble comes your way
Do not accept defeat and ruin your day
Move forward with a focused view
Stay positive in all you do. 

My true love

You are my woman, my dream, my desire

You are my crown, 👑👑👑my diamond, 💍💍💍my jewel of inestimable value.

Your emergence into my life brought me sunshine on a cloudy day

You are as beautiful as the rising of the sun🤭🤭🤭

Your voice has the cooling effect of the moon on a starry night.

You are flexible, well-rounded at the appropriate quarters🙀🙀🙀

You are blossoming daily and emanating sweet fragrance to my nostrils

You are fun to be with though…

 …sometimes you can be as hard as diamond,

As cold as snowballs

Yet you remain soft and sweet as honey

Your voice reminds me of the beautiful nightingale

Your faithfulness is like that of a lioness

You are the sweet song I composed in my dream

I woke up to see you snuggling close to me

This sight of you caused this song to burst forth…

You are irresistible, you are unique and you are just you

You are the sweetest of all creatures

You are made with decorative fixtures

You are bold, bright and beautiful…

My strong-willed, fearless and confident companion.

You are not careless, lazy or arrogant

Your qualities and potential intimidate many

But they mesmerize me…

You are virtuous, victorious and yet you have a heart always aglow with love for me

And humility for all…

Your calculated moves are always on target as they cause your dreams to be realized

And your goals are daily achieved.

You taught me to leave behind arrogance

You showed me how to live without annoyance

You helped me turn my scars

To beautiful radiant stars

You are incomparable my angel

My heart radiates with joy at the thought of you

My face exhibits beautiful smile at the sight of you

You are my one true friend…and the only woman for me.😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

Bravado

alone again, 
just another day dedicated to love ones missed. 
As I sit with an empty soul, 
not sad, 
not glad but pissed, 
thinking back on happier times 
when those who are gone hugged and kissed. 
But they're gone and the world still turns. 
I put up a bravado that I'm happy, 
but really my heart yearns for those better days 
trips to the beach and sun burns. 
Family get-togethers 
laughs and smile. 
Food collecting on our plates in piles and piles. 
But now all that piles up on my tears, 
most out of heartache but some come from fears. 
I could have hydrated an entire nation over the years. 
Yet I mask them with smiles that are hollow 
in hope that there will always be a better tomorrow. 
But until then you will forever see is my bravado.

broken hearted

in my dreams my secrets speak of the sorrows I have gone through
my soul has burned out completely,
and turned out into cold harsh
my fragile heart has been sliced into many pieces
leaving a wound that cannot heal
memories are hard and painful to carry
because everytime my mind is switched to the past all I get is nothing
but tears that reflects the pain of yesterday
so tell me,,how can you do this to me
leaving me falling down in the abyss of no return,
do you have any pity on me?
do you have mercy to this weak and defenseless soul
you broke my heart many times and made me cry,,✌✌✌✌✌✌

MY OLD ME

l wonder where you are my old,,I can't forget those days when the world was still young in our eyes
when we were discovering new things in life
when the world was still revolving around us
those days when there was no definition of love,friendship,hatred
everything was the same. But sadly those days are long gone
it has remained memories painted in our minds
now we are different people,living in the same world but a changed world
why did we have to part ways when we promise each other we would never separate
I am afraid of this world without you
you have disappeared though the world seemed so small
I have traveled in every corner of this world hoping that you are still alive
but my hope of finding the traces of you bore no fruits
where are you hiding?will you remember your old me,,am cold and lonely without you
this world is a stranger to me now
I don't trust anyone because I feel unsafe without your old me
I know that I shouldn't give up for you but wait for the right time that you will show up,,
where are you old me

LONELY ROAD

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Sometimes I just feel clueless about my life
As I walk upon the lonely Road,
wondering what it had been like,
For the travelers who traveled by,
Were the choices easy to make?
or they went through times of strife.
How did they ,
discovered the person within.
how did they,
knew the purpose of life.
Then....
the cold breeze blew ,
And..... brought me back to life.
Where I had the same choices,
Where I walk without an aim.
I was a stranger to the person within,
My purpose of life was a mystery to me,
And the world just doesn't walk with me .
I stop and stand ,
without a reason .....
trying to give, everything a meaning.
The path I've chosen leads nowhere
Its now or never, the choice is here.
A choice to be what I can,
A choice to discover my talents
Also a choice to finally , Take a stand..
But what if my stand is wrong?
What if my choice is wrong ?
Will I be given a second chance?
Or the life will push me back,
as it always has.
Just then , I saw a bird....
So free , so beautiful
Flying in the never ending sky,
She knew she was free to touch the sky.
Then I saw the ants ,
working harder and harder,
to reach the food,
They knew what they had to do.
At last I looked back.....
And all I saw was infinite failures,
Failure in discovering my true self,
Failure in discovering what am I good at.
Today,
I see the world going ahead..
Leaving me behind on this lonely road.
They are all so much better,
they all just seem to go further.....
While I just stay wherever I am ....
Hence,
The lonely girl walks on the lonely road.
Taking herself wherever the road goes

WE ARE NOT ALONE

Feeling alone, unloved and unworthy?
How can you ever feel alone, unloved and unworthy, knowing who you are? Unless you don’t remember who you are. Let me endeavor to remind you a little.
Souls are forever searching for ways to enrich themselves, to learn and to grow, in order for them to expand in consciousness and awareness, and to KNOW themselves. That is why we came here.
When we signed up to the Earth school, which happens to be the toughest school there is by the way, we agreed to forget our origins. We went behind the so-called ‘veil of forgetfulness’, and we took on, as a set of beliefs, a whole host of illusions. One of those being the Illusion of Separation. This illusion will have us believe that we are not part of the Whole – that we are separate from each other, and separate from the Source that sustains us and gives us Life.
Perhaps this Illusion is the biggest one because it is this illusion that enabled us to believe that we are all alone here on this planet and that we’ve been forsaken here unceremoniously in order to suffer. Many religions have taught that suffering is the way to salvation. This couldn’t be further from the truth. None of us have come here for salvation. Our salvation was never in doubt.
The world doesn’t need saving and neither do we.
What the world needs is Love, and the knowing that ALL IS LOVE. With this knowledge we begin to see ourselves as Love and all that is… IS LOVE.
When this happens you begin to truly grow and expand your consciousness. You will start to remember yourself AS LOVE and knowing this you cannot possibly continue old thought patterns and old belief patterns that have you thinking of yourself as BEING LESS THAN LOVE, therefore it becomes impossible to think of yourself as being unworthy, alone and unloved.
Do you think Jesus thought of himself as being unloved and unworthy?
There is a great teaching from the book “Conversations with God” that says if you ever are in doubt of anything or ever need an answer to anything, ask yourself “What would Love do now?” and then listen to the very first thing that comes to mind. I say ‘mind’ but let me tell you that you will hear this guidance not in your mind, but in your heart.
The heart is the center of the New Reality that is available to you now. Through your Heart you WILL KNOW YOURSELF, and you will know that you have always been worthy. And you will know that you have always been loved, no matter what. You will know that your salvation is assured, and you will know that YOU ARE GLORIOUS!!
Let me list here what the word ‘GLORIOUS’ brings up in the thesaurus:
MAGNIFICENT
WONDERFUL
SPLENDID
CELEBRATED
SUPERB
OUTSTANDING
AWESOME
AMAZING
Do you believe you are these things?
What would serve you best right now? Believing you are the opposite of Love? Or believing you are Love?
Love is All There IS Beloveds. That being said….. all else is Myth.
I love YOU!

what if

you can keep your head when all about you
 Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
 But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
 Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
 And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
 If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
 And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
 Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
 And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
 And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
 And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
 To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
 Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
 Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
 If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
 With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
 And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

understanding my value

As I lurch from one day and week to the next, extreme thoughts appear. And doubts. Doubts appear. They appear because I have gotten it wrong so many times in the past that I just don’t trust myself to make decisions any more.
What is the difference between taking a chance and being foolish? When does the former become the latter? Should I listen to my heart? My gut? My head? What is each one telling me? How do I know which one is the right one to listen to?
I fear consequences.
On the one hand, I just want to adopt a ‘not giving a fuck’ attitude. If I pretended for a minute that there would be no negative consequences of taking the chance, then I’d take it. Or even if there were negative consequences, that they would not be insurmountable. There would always be a way back. Then I’d take the risk then too.
What will happen if I do this and fail?
 What will happen if I do this and succeed?
 What will happen if I don’t do this and continue to fail?
 What will happen if I don’t do this and succeed?
But when I keep getting things wrong over and over again, how do I trust myself to make the right decision. I don’t want to make a stupid judgement and take a gamble. But I also want to know. I want to know what taking the gamble will be like. Could I live with it if it’s a disaster? Could I? Would I be ashamed? Embarrassed? Or would I just be relieved that now I just know and I can move on.
I just don’t trust myself.
I was sure that the most recent big decision I made was going to be the right one. It felt right. It felt natural. And yet, here I am. Two months down the line and it is already proving to be a mistake.
I am my decisions. I am the chances I take and the consequences of my actions. I feel like I need someone to tell me what to do. To show me the way. Tell me what I have been doing wrong. Enlighten me. Give me some kind of penny-dropping light bulb moment. But I don’t have anybody who can do that.
I can’t keep ending up in the same state after every time I take a punt on something.
I guess I need to look at it this way. With the aforementioned recent decision that has backfired, I need to ask myself the question: Am I still glad I took the chance?
If I am really honest with myself then the answer is yes. And the reason for that is because even though I am arguably in a worse position now than I was before I took that risk, at least I can now close the door on that particular avenue of thought. It was something that I first started thinking about 10 years ago and now I finally have an answer for it. It was not what I had hoped for and not what I thought it would be like.
Interestingly, the decision that stands before me now also first appeared roughly 10 years ago. Perhaps that’s the lesson here. If something sits in the back of your mind for such a long time and it doesn’t materialise then there’s a reason for that – it’s not for you.
On the flip side, isn’t it a bit defeatist and not necessarily logical or wise to be put off just because one 10-year question did not turn out to be the answer I was looking for?
These are the questions and conundrums and dilemmas that I battle with constantly in my head. All the time. And let me tell you something. It is exhausting. And it ends in paralysis. Paralysed by fear and indecision, I do nothing. And when I do finally manage to make a decision about something, I am not rewarded.
So what is the lesson here? Is accepted stagnation worse than trying and failing? Is it?
Take the chance and if I’m left disappointed, face the consequences and console myself with ‘at least now I know’ platitudes?
Or be sensible, grit my teeth, try to scrounge myself out of the current mire and hope I can improve things

FORGOTEN DREAMS

I never thought that we would be apart in this lifetime. I really had hoped for the best of both of us – ending together in front of the altar and making good memories with our own kids.

But before that could happen, it gets ruined by unexpected changes in our lives. It was a painful memory, but now I just have to accept that you’re gone.
I thought losing you was as easy as a-b-c. But I was wrong. You have become a part of me; you are half of my heart; you are definitely my better half in all things.
Losing you was like, losing a leg to walk on to. It was a heavy feeling and I felt like I would want to give up more rather than losing you.
Now, I may have recovered from the pain, but I still miss you sometimes. The way you smile, the way you look at me with your beautiful eyes, your soft voice when you say “goodnight” – everything about you is something that I miss and would cherish forever.
What’s more painful is that it is not only the good memories that you’ve left me behind that’s stopping me from moving on. I guess my heart is still with you. I can’t seem to find another person whom I can love like how I loved you. And it hurts because I know I can never be with you again.
Maybe for now, I would just let myself heal through time. I do not know where you are now or what you’re going through. I would just like to let you know that you are special to me and forever will be special here in my heart.

miss you

When you lose that one you love, something inside snaps and it hurts so, so much, you feel emptiness surround you and you don't know what to do, something that felt so good isn't there anymore and you want to do all you can to get it back but you don't know how, you start to loose your senses and your mind changes.
Everything that looked so precious seems so worthless, all the beauty in the world is where you can't see it, you get angry but you don't know what to do and you start to run, you run away from all the things you know, trying to let go of something that you only want more and more with each try you do to let it go.
What if the insanity that is raging inside my head of missing you brings this situation: In my left hand I got some pills, I take one and I forget everything about us, but in my right hand I got a loaded gun, which of the two objects should I use? I know the answer, do you?
Just know one thing...
I'd Love To Miss You In The Morning, If I'd See You Again In The Evening.

DO YOU KNOW ME

Do you know a life of loneliness and one filled with pain,
 living a life with nothing to gain,
 Surrounded by darkness, overwhelmed with shame.
 A life without peace with no one to blame.
 Do you know of a place unseen,
 A place that holds only shattered dreams,
 A place filled with sorrow with no end in sight,
 I am given this gift each and every night.
 Do you know of a place so cold,
 This is the place I call my soul,
 A place without hope or comforting dreams,
 A life not worth living wouldn't it seem.
 Do you know of a life that should have never been,
 And the feeling that today this life has to end.
 One more day of sadness is much too hard to bear,
 I am tired of living a life of heartache and despair.
 Do you know a person with so much pain inside,
 Or the feeling of loneliness when no one hears your cries,
 Maybe when the tears are gone and I can clearly see,
 The only question left will be...
 DO YOU KNOW ME

my best friend,,my love

My dear CHEP
 It is not a little thing, for centuries we have been talking about it. Or tried, at least. It is the favorite theme in poetry. No one gets tired of it. Love, as it is, always love.
 It's strong. More than just “strong”. Love is indestructible. When it's real, it is indestructible. Love makes us suffer. Nothing in the world brings so much pain as love. It can be tough, cruel. It can tear us apart. It can be the biggest villain of a story. It can be the purest and the hardest pain ever.
 But still, it’s love. And endless or not, it's the most unbelievable thing in human existence.
 I have tried so many times to explain how much I love you. I always end up crying. Perhaps it is because what I feel for you is too big, even for me, to understand. There is no simple or easy way. But loving you has always been natural. Since I met you, I believe that everyone possesses a love that rests within them. A love that sleeps quietly during our childhood years, in anticipation to bloom for that one person. I never realized that I had begun to love you. I realized that I always had.
 You have not just showed me how to love, but also what it means to be loved. You have taught me how to be your other half and still be my own whole. And still, it is impossible for me to explain something as complex as my love for you. Words, are simply not enough.
 This summer it will be four years since our paths brought us together. The time has passed so fast. We often laugh about the fact that we practically grew up together. From one to another (do you remember that?). It is true, though. We did grow up together. And I feel that, somewhere on the road, we grew into each other. Today, I can't tell where your body starts or where mine ends.
 My person. My best friend. My love. Look at me. I have fallen like a complete fool for you. The passion is not gone. It's only softer and calmer now. It has gone into our blood and become a part of who we are. And hey, don't bother worrying about the future. You'll do just fine. I got your back.
 With all the love I possess.

LOVE IS BLIND

LOVE IS BLIND

dreams that faded

We had that all consuming, passionate, fiery type relationship. And I don't regret it for one minute. You made me feel so warm and safe. It was so fun to be just with you. We were obsessed with one another. Completely and utterly in love. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
 For over 2 years I questioned, cried, analysed and searched for what went wrong. I missed you and I knew you missed me too. That was possibly the worst thing. Why, when two people love each other, can they not 'just be' together?
 I could write forever about us but it just brings back the pain. Here's something I wrote after we met for the first time after a over a year of being apart...

 'T,
 It was like we met all over again. It as the most magical night of my life. And I'm not sure life will ever live up to those moments. It was one of those nights you wish you could pause and relive forever. Time did not exist.
 Broken over a year, no physical contact, the worst of friends, lovers that never stopped loving.
 We talked as if we knew each other a lifetime, as if nothing had happened. Smiled, laughed, I loved your smile. Those dimples. Your face was so beautiful I just wanted to cry. I love those eyes, even though they show pain.
 We went to the beach, the first time we actually got out, instead of just making love in the car. You came around to me. Stood in front of me. We both felt it. The intensity. So many emotions all at once, I wanted to burst. It was so strong, I'd never felt anything as magical as that before. "Well this is intense," you laughed.
 You apologized for hurting me, and I too. Our differences and past hurts were demolished so easily. Something that caused so much pain had just disappeared in the blink of an eye. No fighting, no yelling, no anger. Just simple truth. That's how I'd describe that night in one word - truth.
 You kissed me, well I kissed you back I guess. All this time I was afraid, afraid that this feeling would not be there as much as I wanted it to. But it was there. Stronger than ever. I didn't want it to end, but I pulled away. My head said stop. We hugged for a while, I love your hugs. A hug that says I missed you, I need you, I'm sorry. I still love you? I'm not sure what it meant to you but it was everything to me.
 We stood and listened to the waves as you told me how you had learned a lot about yourself, "I don't think we should go back there... it wasn't working with her and I thought about you the past few weeks... what if we end up falling in love again?"
 I said nothing, I was feeling so much at once . What did all of this mean? We kissed again under the moon. Maybe your words meant confusion? But the kiss was something, a feeling that came back or just never went away.
 You told me your deepest fears and secrets. You had never opened up that much before. We stood looking at the stars and the sea. Facing each other. Just us, alone, no judgement, just truth. We both knew what we were feeling and It scared us.
 I knew the night had to end but prolonged it as much as possible. It was perfection in all its imperfections. I knew something was going to change from that moment on. And it terrified me. This unknown future.
 You drove me back to my cousin's. Hugged, and explained how we were glad to be back in each other's lives. "Don't be a stranger" you said. We left our love for now. Maybe I understand you're not ready yet. I will wait.
 As time passed I drove myself insane with this new 'friendship' we had. Feelings were never shared, nothing was discussed we just enjoyed each other's time and company. I finally plucked up the courage to tell you how I felt and you explained how you're just not ready. But is there ever a right time? I can never forget those last words you said when we ended, "I wish I met you in a few years."
 I believe in the now, in acting on your emotions, in expressing your love and never holding back. I guess it's just something you're not used to. You have so many future hopes and dreams that you forget about the now. I cant force you to see what I see and feel what I feel. I've come to terms with this. I've come to terms with myself. But this relationship is something I cant seem to understand?
 I decided to let you go some time ago. I thought it would be the hardest thing to do. But it wasn't. It just made me realise how strong these feelings were. It made me realise that when you truly love someone, you can be without them and love them from afar, and that's what I've done. There's this invisible web that will forever connect us, despite ever really being together. I never owned you, so I never really lost you.
 Quite frankly I'm drained and tired of this story. I haven't seen you for some time now. But I know when I do, this love I have will come floating to the surface once more, as it always does.
 True love never disappears, it just gets buried away sometimes by life.
 You're forever in my heart